May I have the envelope, please?

It's that time again folks! Time to announce the names of those who've carved out a spot as nominee for Bill Garr's Biggest Turkey of the Year Award®.

Many in 2008 have served up their failures and flawed intelligence, but only one person has flopped big enough to be flipped the Eternal Bird. This year's finalists and their unique recipes for disaster are . . .

• Ted Stevens . . . Baked Alaska
• Senator Joe Lieberman . . . Eggs Benedict
• Senator Norm Coleman . . . Pulled Pork
• Eliot Spitzer . . . Pigs in a Blanket
• Rep. Michelle Bachmann . . . Fruitcake
• Senator Elizabeth Dole . . . Just Desserts
• Rep. Mark Foley . . . Chicken Stuffing
• Tucker Carlson . . . Burnt Toast Square
• Jesse Jackson . . . Barbecued Nuts
• Henry Paulson . . . Half-Baked Potatoes
• Senator Larry Craig . . . Pickled Pig's Feet
• John Edwards . . . Imitation Shrimp Balls
• Governor Sarah Palin . . . Raw Fish
• George W. Bush . . . Slow-Roasted Lame Duck
• Everyone at Fox News . . . Crow under Glass

And now with great relish, I present the winner of Bill Garr's Biggest Turkey of the Year Award® 2008. Nominated for his Country Fried, Overcooked Goose dipped in red sauce, the Eternal Bird goes to . . . Senator John "bomb bomb bomb" McCain!

Joe The Traitor

The Elephant in the Room

Millions and millions of Americans, as well as scores of people all over the globe, are ready for change. But since Barack Obama doesn't take office until January, we're all forced to put up with the sight of GOP Jr. for several more weeks.

Never in history has a duck been so very lame.

Separation of Church and State

"The Republican choice for vice president, Sarah Palin, is in this pocket of America that continues to prevent our nation from evolving. She has never been in a 'Science Museum '. She obliviously doesn't drive a car cuz she can't explain gasoline coming from oil which comes from fossil fuels because the world is only 4000 years old. We should all be wearing pilgrams outfits to match her way of thinking. She should be tied to a chair and dunked in the Missouri river to find out if she is a witch. What say ye? "